🔗 Share this article

When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a child’s addiction fear the dialogue will focus on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to painkillers and later illicit drugs, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” says Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or loss, according to recent data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also cautioned against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of illness, you can overcome this condition, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone addicted to drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”